-I apologize for my prolonged absence; life has been
a living hell difficult as of recent.-
I have countless things to say, but no words in mind to express those things.
I will let my thoughts flow.
I am filled with sadness, worry, guilt, anxiety, apathy, and anger. I feel as though I am a voodoo doll and some higher power has a vengeance against me; my body has been set ablaze and my energy has been drained. My mind, well, might as well be noodles for someone to feast on. I walk around feeling displaced and drunk, but yet I am completely sober. I worry about myself, about my father and mother, but what good does that do? Nothing. I lie in bed, drained, depressed, sick. Why?
Since childhood, I have longed to be happy. I have never been like the others I see around me. The others are happy, upbeat, charismatic, optimistic, giggly, and excited for the next part of their day. I feel more than them. I see more than them. Their auras, their personalities, their demeanor.. I can feel it. I meet someone and see their smile and hear what they tell me, how they want me to see them, but I see so much more. “It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.” I am blessed to be able to experience the world in a way that the others can not. I am cursed because the world is overwhelming to my senses; a typical day is exhausting. But, I do not wish to change.
I would rather be aware than to be ignorant and happy, like the others.