Old City | Knoxville, TN | March 2018
Perhaps your love will –
free me from myself
make me feel beautiful
take away some of life’s stress
show me happiness
encourage me to be the best version of myself
support me when no one else does
listen when no one else will
be the rock to keep me stable
hold me up when I am falling down
support my addiction to iced coffee
make our house feel like home
be patient with my mental illness
always listen to my political rants
(try to) understand my radical viewpoints
help me with homework that I don’t understand
care for me when I am sick
hold me accountable
make me feel worthy
make me feel strong
Perhaps your love will always make sure that I feel appreciated, adored, & loved.
Happiness is sipping an iced mocha at your favorite local restaurant that only serves organic, local farm-to-table food.
Softly, she whispered, “I’ve never loved someone this much.”
He thought, “I’ve never loved you at all.”
Sometime before she fully reached adulthood, she traded in her Dr. Pepper for a whiskey and Coke and sweet tea for a shot of whatever was being offered. She was lost in a whirlwind of emotions and the alcohol made her feel numb- a pleasant state of laughter and what she thought was happiness. The happiness later turned into numerous one night stands (well, sometimes she would go back to the same person), drunk driving, and breakdowns in bathrooms where she vomited and cried by the bathtub of a stranger. None of her questions about life were answered the way she wanted, so she drank more and more until she eventually did not know who she was. She went through the motions, either drunk, hungover, or trying to get through work until she could start the cycle all over again. The panic attacks were getting worse and more frequent, and she could say the same about her depression. The alcohol numbed these and the numerous boys made her feel wanted and beautiful. She felt whole. The problem was that when she woke at 4:36am, she was naked, dehydrated, had a migraine, and was next to someone that did not care about her deeper than what he saw- anxiety and negative emotions flooded her as she gathered her things, got in her car still a little drunk, and drove away.
I often find that it’s hard to know how to feel.
Sad? Mad? What is real?
Am I imagining things? Should I really be upset?
Surely I’m crazy.. surely I’m crazy..
Validate my feelings!
Tell me that my emotions are okay;
I know I’m crazy, but tell me that you’d feel the same way.
Tell me I’m not being illogical.
Tell me that everything will be okay.
Wipe away my tears, and please, tell me you’d feel the same way.
Time heals all wounds, except for this one
As time goes by, I feel more empty
The longer you’re gone, the more my heart aches
The longer you’re gone, the harder this is to take
Time isn’t on my side this time around
The longer I have to miss you, the harder it is to remember your familiar sound
I miss the scent of your white cotton shirt and the warmth of your chest as I lie my head to the sound of your beating heart
Your heart that no longer beats is now just a memory
Time can’t heal this wound
Time can’t give you back to me