Old City | Knoxville, TN | March 2018
Perhaps your love will –
free me from myself
make me feel beautiful
take away some of life’s stress
show me happiness
encourage me to be the best version of myself
support me when no one else does
listen when no one else will
be the rock to keep me stable
hold me up when I am falling down
support my addiction to iced coffee
make our house feel like home
be patient with my mental illness
always listen to my political rants
(try to) understand my radical viewpoints
help me with homework that I don’t understand
care for me when I am sick
hold me accountable
make me feel worthy
make me feel strong
Perhaps your love will always make sure that I feel appreciated, adored, & loved.
She sat by herself at the familiar coffee shop downtown, gazing out the window, sipping an iced caramel latte. Her favorite part was the drizzle of caramel that swirled over the top. The sun occasionally peaked through the clouds and made it’s way to her tattooed skin. Her dark, wavy hair, with tints of red, glistened in the light. She had an array of sticker-filled Apple products she couldn’t really afford spilled out on the table in front of her and a to-do list a mile long; but she couldn’t steal her gaze from the world outside. Nothing in particularly interesting was happening, but she found herself wondering about the passerby. Where were they going? Were they happy? Do you think they struggle with mental illness too? Are they stressed, worried, or anxious? Are they in love? Are they a genuine, kind person? A young lady passing by with a well-loved and curious mutt made her shyly smile. She sighed, thought of all the things that needed to be done, and checked her phone to see how much of the day had escaped her. 3:26pm. A text on the screen read, “I love you and hope you’re having a good day. What are you doing?” She was doing a million things and also nothing. She was restless and wanted to go. She didn’t know where she was going, but she was bound and determined to get there.
Softly, she whispered, “I’ve never loved someone this much.”
He thought, “I’ve never loved you at all.”
Time heals all wounds, except for this one
As time goes by, I feel more empty
The longer you’re gone, the more my heart aches
The longer you’re gone, the harder this is to take
Time isn’t on my side this time around
The longer I have to miss you, the harder it is to remember your familiar sound
I miss the scent of your white cotton shirt and the warmth of your chest as I lie my head to the sound of your beating heart
Your heart that no longer beats is now just a memory
Time can’t heal this wound
Time can’t give you back to me
I feel sick to my stomach and faint of heart
I think of what I’ve lost
I wonder how I’ve kept from completely falling apart
Life is a journey
For some, that journey is hard and cold
Every time I seem to get warm, it starts to snow
Some people are gone due to death taking it’s toll
Some people are gone due to life’s changing roles
Whether taken from the earth, or just from my life, you remain forever in my heart
Whether you are floating in heaven, or walking in a nearby park
If I don’t have you, then I think of what I’ve lost
As I look into the night sky,
I think of you.
Are the Heavens up above?
Is it just endless blue?
I ask, if you can hear me, to summon a shooting star
to shoot across the night sky, so that I know that you can hear me from afar.
Looking up, hopeful, I wait for my fiery sign;
but, to my disappointment, nothing catches my eye.
If you could hear me, my sweet father, I know you’d show me a sign.
In this moment, yet again I wonder, if there is an after life.
I look for you in everyone I meet. I search for pieces of you every place I go. You are a puzzle that has been undone, spending your life scattered across numerous floors. Certain pieces of you hold the beauty of a thousand suns, while others are nothing but a beige blur. I am unable to find the parts of you that I seek the most; maybe the wind knows, and blows you away from me. I spend my life searching for you; you are always just out of my reach. I look for you in every corner, as I stumble to my knees. I spend my whole life searching only to end up empty.
I will always be in love with the love that we had. I will never forget the smile that came across your face whenever I showed up without any warning; the smile that radiated pure, childish, happiness. It is one of my most beautiful, and sad, memories that I will forever hold dear to my heart. I will never forget the euphoric feeling I had whenever we were together; what we were doing at the time did not matter – I just wanted to be with you. I will never forget looking into your eyes; the most beautiful green, speckled with brown..they contained such an innocence that gave me hope. At the time, you hid no secrets behind those beautifully colored mirrors into your soul. I will never forget the sound of your laugh, which I heard so very often; on my worst days, your joy and laughter would spread to me. You were electric. I will never forget the times we created art together; in those moments, we became one. I will never forget the softness of your skin or the silkiness of your dirty blonde hair. I will never forget the freckles on your face. I will never forget you, because part of me will always be in love with who you used to be.