I often find that it’s hard to know how to feel.
Sad? Mad? What is real?
Am I imagining things? Should I really be upset?
Surely I’m crazy.. surely I’m crazy..
Validate my feelings!
Tell me that my emotions are okay;
I know I’m crazy, but tell me that you’d feel the same way.
Tell me I’m not being illogical.
Tell me that everything will be okay.
Wipe away my tears, and please, tell me you’d feel the same way.
I’ve lived my life as a stranger to myself.
I woke up as me,
but what did that mean?
I went through the motions,
raised my hand when my name was called,
but when I got home,
I didn’t know who I really was.
You’re beautiful, talented, and smart – I was told;
but when I got home, I just felt alone and cold.
Cold, so I hurried into my bed
to hide from the world,
but mainly to hide from myself.
Sleep was my vice;
sleeping meant I didn’t have to think about my life.
Day after day, I hid from myself.
No happiness shone through my tired eyes.
I was miserable at best.
I look for you in everyone I meet. I search for pieces of you every place I go. You are a puzzle that has been undone, spending your life scattered across numerous floors. Certain pieces of you hold the beauty of a thousand suns, while others are nothing but a beige blur. I am unable to find the parts of you that I seek the most; maybe the wind knows, and blows you away from me. I spend my life searching for you; you are always just out of my reach. I look for you in every corner, as I stumble to my knees. I spend my whole life searching only to end up empty.
When words have lost their meaning,
When the light can no longer reach your eyes,
I hope you know that I am with you;
I hope you know that I have never left your side.
Mother Nature has mourned your passing;
Rain has fallen for days.
The sun is hidden behind a thick sheet of clouds.
She refuses to smile; she will not show her rays.
When God has made your final arrangements,
He will lift you up in his gentle hands.
My sweet father, you’ll no longer be in pain.
You will find happiness and peace in a magical far off land.
One day, we will be together again;
Until then, know that I love you with every fiber of my being.
You are not only my father, but also my best friend.
You will always be a part of me;
Our bond will never end.
In that moment, the warmness of your soul took me over
My thoughts clouded by the sound of your breath
Both sets of eyes as blue as the ocean
Two calm seas, until they met
Storms arose in our souls
Different, but yet so closely the same
Pain and guilt numbed by passion
Regret taken over by the warmth of your skin
Pure desire to be deeply connected
You sink into me
In that moment, we are complete
I hate you
I love you
I need you
I despise you
I crave you
I loathe you
I fear you
You engulf me
Sadness flows through my veins-
to what pleasure do I owe this pain?
Up and down my breathing goes
Sometimes gasping for air
Fleeing from what I don’t want to know
Eyes glazed into a stare
My highs are high, my lows are low